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Sunday, 23 January 2011

Mr Toad's letter from The River Bank to the inhabitants of 'Wind in the Willows'

I say what jolly japes - looks like inflation’s gone down a bit, what? I say! That means I can afford to take the motor out on the open road for a spin! Which of my fellow furry friends would like to accompany me? I can’t take all of you with me, mind, got room for about half a dozen - only my closest pals. Ain’t got room for any more. Budge up, that’s it! Jolly good show! And I can fill up the picnic basket with some choice morsels to accompany the bubbly. Spiffing! Mind you, that inflation is a bit of a slippery rascal. Just when you think you’ve grabbed it by the tail it slithers out of your grasp and is off away to who knows where? Can’t allow that, no sir! So we’d better make the most of it while the going’s good! Phew!

The MPC - that’s ‘Mole’s Planning Committee’ for those of you not au fait with the jargon - has had a bit of difficulty keeping all the balls in the air. For that reason we’ve set the abacus back to ‘Start’, wiped the blackboard clean with a WET cloth (no traces HAH!) and handed it all over to Old Badger’s Reckoning - or OBR - as we call him and I’ve told him in NO uncertain terms to make sure that he and his pals all bally know how to add up or we’ll be up the IMF without a paddle if you get my drift (my drift! ha! ha!). For creatures which live on a river bank that’s no joke, trust me.

What’s that, Badge old boy? Inflation’s going UP not DOWN? Are you playing pranks on me? No? Oh no! You’re right - you stripey streptococcus-carrying set-dweller, you! I’ve got the bally chart UPSIDE DOWN. Ah HAH! If I turn it the right way up maybe it’ll make more sense! Oh dear! Looks like the picnic’s cancelled - no money. Better tell all the little river bank dwellers to put their party hats away and go back home and stew some lettuce leaves. Oh drat, Ratty! Our party plans are foiled again!!